Smile Like It's Real
by upsidedownbutterfly
Summary: Just because it's programmed doesn't mean it isn't real. Sharon and Kara talk post-"Revelations".


Title: Smile Like It's Real

Author: upsidedownbutterfly

Summary: Just because it's programmed doesn't mean it isn't real.

Setting: Post-"Revelations" but pre-"The Oath".

Rating: PG

Spoilers: "Revelations"

Disclaimer: They're not mine, people.

* * *

"Programmed to love Helo?" Sharon echoed with less venom that Kara had anticipated. Considering her unending uphill battle to prove to the fleet she was as much person as anyone else, Sharon was understandably touchy about people questioning her individuality and free will, and Kara had no doubt that her query had veered dangerously near to insulting from Sharon's point of view. A part of her had expected the cylon woman to toss her violently from her quarters with a few choice words that should never be repeated in front of Hera, but instead Sharon's tone mostly just sounded surprised and perhaps even faintly amused.

"Yeah," Kara confirmed with an apologetic half-shrug. Reaching over, she grabbed one of Hera's little outfits from the pile of newly cleaned laundry that had swallowed the Agathon's table and began to fold it. Might as well make herself helpful as long as she was here.

For a few moments the two women folded in comfortable if expectant silence. Finally Sharon spoke. "It's the wrong question, you know," she said, placing a freshly folded shirt in the folded pile. There was a beat, then: "The right question is: Would it matter if I was?"

Kara gave herself a full minute to process Sharon's reply. "Huh?" she finally said.

Sharon shook her head, laughing lightly at Kara's lack of comprehension. "Even if he was programmed to love you, that doesn't mean he felt it any less," she elaborated. "Or that you did."

It was so casual that for an instant, Kara almost didn't catch the change in pronouns. "Hey!" she protested with half-feigned sullenness once she did. "I thought we were talking about you here."

Sharon snorted. "Right," she said, not for a moment sounding convinced. Leaning slightly across the table, she deliberately caught and held Kara's eyes. "You're asking me if what you and Sam had was real."

Kara winced involuntarily. It wasn't that she didn't expect Sharon to know immediately what this conversation was really about – hell, anyone in the fleet would need to work at _not _figuring it out – but Kara had still held out the tiny hope that Sharon would at least be willing to play along with the charade. The longer Kara could avoid fully confronting the fact that her husband was a cylon the happier she would be.

"And I'm telling you," Sharon continued, deliberately ignoring Kara's reaction, "that whether it was or wasn't, programming doesn't enter into it. Just because something is programmed doesn't mean it isn't real."

Kara gave a harsh laugh and tore her eyes away from Sharon's intense gaze, her mouth twisting into a bitter facsimile of a smile. "Why do I think you're full of shit?" she challenged.

Despite Kara's abrasive reply, Sharon's voice remained even, not losing even a modicum of the calm that had marked her tone thus far. "You're afraid that Sam was programmed to love you," she said. It was a statement, not a question but Kara gave a tiny, nearly imperceptible nod of confirmation anyway. "Well, what if _you_ were programmed to love _him_?"

Kara glanced up, her brow furrowing in confusion. "I'm not a cylon," she pointed out.

"No," agreed Sharon without missing a beat, "you're human. You were born a completely blank slate. And as you grew, you developed your own distinct personality. But where did that come from? Did it spontaneously leap into being? _Or_ was it imprinted upon you by those with whom you interacted in your early years?" Sharon shook her head gently. "Kara, everything you are, you are because your mother or your father or some other close friend or family member made you that way."

Leaning back in her chair, Kara crossed her arms defensively over her chest and leveled a forceful stare at her companion across the table. "No offense, Sharon, but what would you know about human children?"

Sharon barked out a laugh. "Are you kidding? I see it with Hera _everyday_. Helo and I, we want to raise her with our beliefs, our values, so that when she grows up, the things that were important to us become the things that are important to her. And you know what? That's programming. Maybe it's a bit slower and messier than the equivalent cylon process, but it accomplishes the same thing. Hera's a free individual, and in the future, she will be able to make her own choices, but she'll make them based upon the values we instill in her now."

Kara shifted slightly in her seat as she considered Sharon's words. There was truth there, she knew. Socrata Thrace's lessons had been brutal, bordering on torturous, but they had been undeniably effective, and Kara had learned quickly to internalize her mother's beliefs or risk incurring her displeasure. And what she didn't learn from fear of her mother, she learned from idolization, and then later resentment, of her father. Kara valued strength and courage, understanding and tolerance in a person because her parents had, and she valued compassion and loyalty precisely because they hadn't.

"So what you're saying," said Kara slowly, "is that I only love Sam because my mother or father taught me to value Sam-like characteristics in a husband?"

Sharon shook her head. "What I'm saying is would it matter if it was? Would it change the fact that you _do_ love him?"

_Of course not,_ was Kara's instinctive reply. Maybe Kara _had _been, in a sense, programmed to love someone who embodied traits like courage, understanding, and loyalty. In other words, someone like Sam. But if so, then wasn't everybody? Maybe the gods could love indiscriminately, but all _people_ would always be constrained by the conditioning of their childhood.

Kara's lips compressed into a thin line and her gaze dropped away from Sharon to focus instead on a nondescript point on the floor. She stared fixedly at it, anxiously considering the implications of her logic.

Because Sam was really no different then, even if he _had _been programmed to love her. If her own feelings, "programmed" though they may be, were as real as humanly possible, why couldn't Sam's be as well?

"I get your point," Kara finally conceded, shifting her gaze back to meet Sharon's eyes. But something was still gnawing at her. Something on the gut-level telling her it was different for cylons with their deliberate and specific programming, even if she couldn't intellectually justify it. _Prejudice. _She exhaled deeply. "I just don't know if I can accept it."

"Give it time," said Sharon gently. "I remember back on Caprica, when Helo found out what I really was." A look of pain flashed across Sharon's face at the memory, and Kara recalled the make-shift sling that had held Sharon's wounded arm when they'd first met. "He accepted that he loved me regardless pretty quickly, but for a long time, I know he wasn't sure if he fully believed I could really love him back."

"Well, it's pretty clear he does now," Kara offered.

"Exactly," agreed Sharon with a smile. "He came around, and I think you will too. And if there's anyone who's willing to wait until you do, it's Sam."

Kara had to smile at that. It was small and strained, but it was real.

"In the meantime," added Sharon, grinning as she tossed Kara the next few shirts in the pile, "here, you can fold these."


End file.
